Dear Readers,

As a talk show host on Wisconsin Public Radio station WPR, Ben Merens listens for a living. Whether he is interviewing education critic Alfie Kohn about his opposition to homework or energy policy analyst Antonia Juhasz about her book, “The Tyranny of Oil,” he has to do more than formulate probing questions. He has to listen carefully to his guests’ answers so he can respond intelligently and move the conversation forward.

Merens’ years of honing his own skills have prompted him to develop a side business training others in how to listen. He admits that “a lot of good listening is basic and not complicated,” but adds that with the rise of multi-tasking, many of us need a few pointers, especially when it comes to employing this vital skill effectively at work.

“What’s changed in the workplace is that there are more distractions – PDAs, minicomputers, cell phones, work phones, and more people wanting your attention,” he says. “With more people working in cubicles than in separate offices, the amount of noise has skyrocketed, which can make it more difficult to listen.”

Who should listen more closely, managers or their staffers? “I think it’s crucial for both for different reasons,” says Merens. “If you’re an employee, you need to know what’s expected of you. Employers need to listen to employees because they are the footsoldiers; they are dealing with your client base every day. You need to hear what they need from you to do their jobs better.”

Merens offers 10 tips to help everyone listen more effectively to their colleagues and customers:

1. Take time to listen to yourself. Turn off your electronics five minutes a day – twice.
2. Be in the moment with others. Give them your full attention. If you have a limited amount of time to devote to the conversation, tell them that ahead of time. Example: “I’ve got 10 minutes, and then I have to get back to work.”
3. Look at people when they talk to you.
4. Do not look at your computer when you are talking to someone on the phone.
5. Repeat what you have heard to make sure you have heard it right, and to let the person you are talking to know you are listening.
6. Do not multitask when you speak to others.
7. Take a break when you find your listening focus is going astray. Say, “I need five minutes,” and then take time to stretch, or take some deep breaths. If you are someone who cannot listen for a long stretch, be aware of that, and build in break times.
8. Do not agree to talk when you are busy. Instead, set a future time when you can talk.
9. Similarly, when you want to be listened to, make sure to ask the other person first, before you launch into conversation, “Is this a good time for you to talk?” Because this is so rarely done, your courtesy will stand out.
10. Take cryptic notes to maintain key information you will need later. Do not be a stenographer and write down every word, just key concepts. If you want more detail, write up the conversation from memory soon after it is over.

Because we can listen faster than we can talk – at a rate of 450 words per minute vs. 150 (give or take a few) words per minute – there’s lots of time for our minds to wander. That is why people often don’t feel heard.

Merens complains about lack of listening skills by people in retail jobs. “I often wonder when salespeople are talking to me, ‘Why won’t you look at me?’ [That they don’t] makes me feel less than special.”

“When you are listening effectively to someone, he or she feels there is nobody else in the world besides you and that person – whether it’s between a doctor and patient, or coworkers. The communication does not have to be intense or last a long time. However, that person feels that “when I’m with him, I have him completely,” says Merens. “It’s a fulfilling experience.”

We all know the difference between talking and being heard. That’s why giving freely the gift of “listening fully” to colleagues and others often reaps its own rewards.