Archive for July 16th, 2010

It’s common knowledge that compiling a list of contacts is essential to a successful job hunt. But not everyone knows how to nurture a network. There’s good reason: It’s more about giving than receiving. That’s the main message of John Maxwell’s new book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently. A leadership specialist, Maxwell defines connecting as “the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence….”

Many people believe that those among us who possess charisma were born that way, that they reel others in with their good looks or wily charms. But what’s really essential, Maxwell says – and can be developed by anyone – is an outward focus. Connecting has to be “intentional,” and requires time and energy. “Most of the time, people won’t give it the energy,” he says.

People like people who like them. If you can learn how to identify what is special in others and express your appreciation of it, you’ll have developed a useful skill. “Most people are waiting for someone to make their day,” Maxwell says.

One of the first steps in forging a connection is figuring out what you already share with a new contact. Doing research before your first meeting can reveal common interests or experiences. “At the beginning, interest is piqued by what we have in common,” Maxwell explains.

Once interest is aroused, you can forge a deeper connection by identifying some way your new contact is more skilled or experienced than you are. When you inquire about a trait you admire, “it engages the other person,” Maxwell says. Once engaged, your contact is often willing to help you out. If you ask for something specific – such as referral s to your contact’s friend who works at a place you’d like to apply – she will likely oblige.

As always, the nonverbal aspects of your interactions are key. “People won’t remember what you said or did, but how you made them feel,” Maxwell says. So when you seek to expand your network, keep Dirty Harry’s famous line in mind.